Category Archives: health

The Iron Curtain

This post has been in my head for almost two months. I’ve known what I wanted to write, but I’ve needed to get some distance between myself and the events described here before I could actually put pen to paper. I should also offer a little caveat emptor. These stories are toward the darker end of what’s been published on this blog. If you’re sensitive to that sort of stuff, you may find what follows upsetting.

Hospitals make strange bedfellows. That’s not to say that they make you share a bed with someone. That would be uncomfortable, and probably very unhygienic. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that hospitals make for strange roomfellows. But that doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

In my most recent (and final) stay at the hospital, I had two roommates. The first was strange, though not particularly exciting. He never spoke, but his family (two women—I think his wife and sister) was convinced the hospital was guilty of some sort of vast conspiracy (not to mention grave malpractice), spanning months if not years of this man’s treatment. They complained, loudly and ceaselessly, about this injustice, constantly denigrating the doctors, nurses, and technicians who periodically slipped in and out.

After a few days, he was moved to another room. Apparently in addition to their frustration with the medical establishment, the two women were very unhappy about the loud noises emanating from my side of the room (sometimes late into the night). Since I was barely conscious for the duration of this roommate’s time in my room, I must lay the blame at the feet of the kind folks who visited me in the hospital. If you did, you should know that meant a tremendous amount to me, even if I appeared catatonic at the time. You should also know that you were excessively boisterous and drove a sick man and his family to their wits’ end. So again, thank you.

Before I relate the story of my second roommate, I should note that technically speaking I had three roommates. After the conspiracy theorists’ departure, I briefly shared the room with a man and his genial, talkative family from (I think) Morocco. They were warm and quite pleasant, but had apparently intended to settle in a single, so they hung around for a few hours before moving into new, capacious quarters.

The next day, my second roommate arrived. He was a wizened, graying man, his face haggard, his voice rough and trembling. When I first saw him, I guessed him to be in his late 80′s.

Many of the patients in my ward were, like myself, young men. Worn down by weeks or months of chemotherapy (and often invasive surgery), they all had that dusty look in their eyes, obscuring the little flashes of light one associates with youth. Yet despite the obvious toll treatment had taken on them—despite their bald heads, their gaunt faces, those tired eyes—these men retained an ineffable sense of boyishness. They were sick, yes. But they were, if you looked closely, still quite young.

My roommate was not, it turned out, in his late 80s. He wasn’t even in his 70s. He was 64. A year older than my father. He appeared to have been robbed of two decades of his life.

That first night, his doctors ordered an MRI. He was wheeled to the imaging center and returned an hour later, climbing ever so slowly into bed. As I wrote earlier, I spent most of my nights at the hospital tossing and turning, beset by stabbing pains in my abdomen and stomach. That night, as I lay in bed, I heard this man moaning across the curtain. For what seemed like hours, he moaned, suffering his untold agony. He called for a nurse and she came to check on him. “Not calm,” he said. “Not calm.” She hung a bag of a common sedative and left him alone. But the moaning continued.

In the dark, I heard the rattling of a pill bottle, then a gulp. For obvious reasons—legal and medical—patients admitted to the hospital are expressly forbidden from administering their own medications. Every drug you take—even acid reducers or other over-the-counters—comes from the hospital pharmacy, with approval from your doctor. But here this guy was, downing his own stash of sleeping pills, desperate for relief from whatever was plaguing him.

In the morning, I opened my eyes slowly, trying to avoid the blinding sunlight flooding in through the window. I was groggy and still exhausted, so it took me a moment to get a grasp on my surroundings. It was time for rounds, and behind the curtain a group of doctors was speaking to my roommate. Perhaps they’d been with him for a while, but the first words I heard them speak were these: “Your test results came back. It’s spread. You have lesions all over your brain. The treatment is 10 days of radiation. We need to begin tomorrow.” My roommate had no response. And with that, the doctors ambled out of the room, off to see their next patient.

What do you say to a stranger condemned to death?

I was only an accidental witness to this man’s prognosis. Had we been separated by a real barrier—not just a curtain—I wouldn’t have heard what the doctors had to say. Nor would I have heard first his silence, then his muffled tears.

As the day wore on, the man’s family began to arrive. His younger son, his wife, maybe a cousin. I lay in bed, listening to this family confront the unconfrontable.

In the Histories, Herodotus writes of the horrors of war, reminding his readers that, “No one is fool enough to choose war instead of peace—in peace sons bury fathers, but in war fathers bury their sons.”

Since antiquity, then, we have understood how unnatural it is for the old to watch the young die. This happens in times of war, but also in times of peace.

This man, of course, was not a son, but a father. That his son would come to bury him was not itself an inversion of the natural order. It was sad, not strange.

What was strange—and what reminded me of that ancient quote—was the conversation between the man and his son. We expect a father to be a source of strength. To offer wisdom and guidance to a son. But here, it was instead the son, at his father’s side, striving at 23 to conjure up sage advice for his father.

Despondent, depressed, probably in some excruciating state of suffering, the man seemed uninterested in the course of treatment prescribed by the doctors. The son begged him to remember all he had to live for. “There’s Danny’s wedding,” he said. “And so many bar mitzvahs. And Rebecca, when she gets married.” The man said nothing. “You have to be there. You’re going to be there. We have so much to celebrate. And we need you to be there.” Still nothing.

A son pleading with his father to stay with him, to see through the pitch darkness a reason to live. That seemed to me as unnatural as a father burying his own son.

I can’t get that scene out of my head. I didn’t even witness it with my eyes; I only heard it. But in my mind, I can see the son, bent over a hospital bed, trying to project his words with confidence and composure, but his voice unmistakably raw and, over and over, cracking.

In my months of treatment, I was exposed to a whole new world (not the kind in Aladdin). It was a world full of vomiting and nurses and fear and confusion and sick people. That world is familiar to many—anyone who’s been sick or known someone who was sick. And almost any medical professional. But for me, never having seen that world before, it was surprising and disorienting.

Sickness is a surreal and terrifying thing. When you experience it—but perhaps (and I can only guess) more so when you witness it.

Having been sick, I think I have some understanding of sickness. Not by any means a full grasp, or even a good grasp, but an inkling. But sickness is not death. Death (and this, of course, is a true blessing) I know nothing about.

To be in the room as this man and his son reckoned not just with sickness, but also with death was stranger, sadder, more unsettling than any experience I can yet remember.

Perhaps I should have thanked G-d for my good fortune, that despite the searing pain in my abdomen, despite the sinking terror that my operation had gone wrong and I would die, despite the crushing depression and exhaustion of my then-young recovery, I was very much alive, that I didn’t have to remind anyone why it is that life itself is worth living. But I didn’t feel fortunate. I just felt sick to my stomach. Wondering if that searing image might be forgotten.

Of course, it couldn’t be.

So from the outside, maybe the vomiting, the overwhelming enervation, the frustratingly slow pace of recovery seemed like the worst part of this whole ordeal. But this was worse than all those things.

And yet, even though I can’t forget that scene, it has faded in the past six weeks.

So I’m left with this memory, like a scene from a dusty print of some ancient horror film.

And I was just lying there. I wasn’t the man’s son.

So long, farewell

Over several hours at the hospital today, I saw that, at least on this day, Ben’s description of Raf from two days ago was more accurate than mine from yesterday. (Ben was also at the hospital today and, quite fairly, gave me crap for implying that he had been full of crap.)

Raf is simultaneously laid quite low and doing great. Of course, after today’s news, I imagine it was easier for him to feel bettercertainly psychologically, and maybe physically too. Let it be known that he does vaguely resemble Johnny Depp (at least in that they both have facial hair), and that he was, in fact, cracking jokes.

So, though he has a good deal of recovery left, it’s looking like Raf’s heading into the home stretch. Unless anything unexpected arises, he should be back in charge of this fine blog within a couple days. And he’ll be home soon, as early as Sunday, saying goodbye to hospitals, for now and for a long time, Insha’allah.

All clear

I’m thrilled to pass along the good news that the doctor just told Raf: He’s cancer-free.

After performing the RPLND, the surgery Raf had on Monday, doctors looked at the 89 lymph nodes they removed. They found five teratomas (non-cancerous particles that can turn cancerous), so the operation was very much not in vain. But there’s no live cancer left in his body—and, after the surgery, no risky remnants either.

Raf wants us all to get very drunk off tequila tonight to celebrate.

L’chaim

I took a train into the city after my final exam today to see Raf. Ben’s stories of Johnny Depp and cracking jokes seemed slightly exaggerated (at least I didn’t see the Captain Jack resemblance, or hear too many zingers tonight), but I don’t mean to get anyone down. Raf’s on the road to recovery. It’s just that the road takes considerably longer than three days to travel.

My dad and I spent a couple hours at the hospital. Mim and Raf’s brother Danny were there when we arrived, and Raf was awake and conversational through the two hours we spent there, though he wasn’t the live wire we’re all used to.

He did joke around some. He made a reference to “romping around” his hospital room, and at one point he told a doctor that he had walked 29 laps around the floor, to which the doctor replied that with all his walking he almost “broke the bank.” Raf asked, “Are they going to pay me?” When we all chuckled and the doc shook his head, Raf added, “It’s funny because they’re not.” And he was able to laugh, sort of, as he did when I told him that our friend David wrote to us to say that this blog had confused a couple of his friends at school, since they expected it to be about the Pope’s audacious handling of the recently revealed sex scandals. I didn’t tell him Ben’s response — “That’s hilarious. I could see how all the talk about pederasty would also be misleading” — since right after laughing Raf added, still smiling, “That hurt.”

The doctor who checked up on him tonight won rave reviews from Raf and Mim. He has been very kind to Raf, and he was excited to hear, as Mim told him, that Raf is “famous, you know,” since this blog has been receiving thousands of visits a day this week.

The best thing I heard tonight was that, though Raf hasn’t eaten or had more than a few sips of water since Monday, he somehow doesn’t feel hunger or painful thirst. I don’t understand it, but I don’t understand a lot about what’s going on. I didn’t ask questions about that, or about the Hasids who were singing — loudly, with a microphone and an electric keyboard, both hooked up to an amp — in the hallway around the corner from Raf’s room as my dad and I left for the night.

500 Miles

Ben, Raf’s roommate at Columbia, provides an update as of 5 p.m. yesterday:

Raf’s organs are apparently coming “back to life” after the surgery, which is causing some pain. Apparently, because of all the jostling of organs during the procedure (his intestines were outside of him at one point), they shut down somewhat, which is normal and expected. We’re in the process of asking and getting approval for more hydromorphone to deal with the pain.

He walked a half a mile today (up from about a third yesterday) and he’s getting pretty hairy—a very Johnny Depp-like moustache/beard situation. He’s not laughing, because it hurts too much, but he’s still cracking jokes for our benefit (Dino, Anna, Mim, Leonard and me).

—————-

By the time we left, Raf had walked nine laps around the wing of the hospital (14 laps is a mile). He had his bandage removed earlier today and Len said that it doesn’t look too bad—they used some sort of plastic sutures instead of staples, which reduces scarring.

Today was worse than yesterday, but that was to be expected. Of course, the big picture, the pathology, looks encouraging so far from what has come back, and the doctor expects the definitive answer coming either Friday or Monday to be good too.

Swayze

Still Pete here, still playing scribe. What I’ve got to pass along I’ve heard second-hand, from Raf’s parents, so all I can reveal about Raf’s current condition is whatever you and I can read into his actions, as Miriam and Len have told of them.

According to Len, while Raf was under the effects of the anesthetic, he told a nurse that something she did to him “fuckin’ hurt,” which she later remarked was probably the clearest thing he said today—though he also said, at one point, “Dr. Sheinfeld punched me in the stomach.” When he was instructed to spit into a bowl, he bragged, “I thought I missed in my first attempt to spit, but years of practice paid off.” Raf had Len make a Jewish star above his heart, and when his brother Josh and his sister-in-law, Liza, walked into the Patient Acute Care Unit, Josh asked Raf, “Do you know who I am?” Raf replied: “Patrick Swayze and I can see through you; I’m not kidding.”

As of about 6:30, he had been moved to a regular bedroom in the hospital and reported feeling very good psychologically, with pain at 6 on a 10 scale. No word on whether—as he did when high on morphine at a hospital in Rutland, Vermont—he tried to flirt with any of the nurses.

Under, over

Pete here, reporting on Raf. Word from Miriam, Raf’s mom, is that Raf went in for surgery around 9 this morning, as scheduled. He was given a cap that resembled a beret, but which served some medical function. He was greeted at the hospital by a gentle team, and he was in good spirits as he went in, even though he had to remove his Rafstrong bracelet for the procedure.

The surgery was completed a short time ago, and all indications are that it went well. The doctors believe they successfully removed all the nodes in question, and everything else appears to be in good condition so far. Raf has been moved to the recovery ward. Hopefully that—recovery—is all that’s left.

Expect him back in this space as soon as he can be.

The Stars Align

Since I now go to bed at six and wake up at two, I am rising and shining just about now. So before I eat my breakfast, here’s a bit of suspiciously on-target dark humor from The Onion’s weekly horoscope (My sign, by the way, is Libra)

Libra: Wild peals of laughter will burst forth this week when you’re unexpectedly struck in the nuts by cancer.

Hey, even my mother laughed…

28 Days Later

Well, it’s more like a month later. But there’s no movie called “A Month Later.” Also, I’ve been a total zombie for the past month, so it’s more than appropriate.

I have not written much in the past month or two and the reason I haven’t is because I’ve been too sick to write. For my final dose of chemotherapy, my doctor ordered me to stay in the hospital. So I was holed up there for nine days, always on an IV, getting woken up in the middle of the night to have my vital signs checked, pissing into a plastic bottle so my nurses could measure my urine output.

Hospitals are many things. They are big and brutal and byzantine. And they are boring. They are incredibly boring. At home, you wake up and go to sleep in your bed. If you’re really lazy (and I am), you spend a few hours in between watching TV in your bed. But between the waking up and the going to sleep, you presumably do something that does not involve being in bed. Not so at the hospital.

At the hospital, you stay in bed. Sloan is famous for having a rec room upstairs with foosball and pool and board games and arts and crafts. I partook in a bunch of the activities (I splatter painted with a lovely art therapist and played Monopoly with friends), but mostly, I had no desire to get out of bed.

I had all day to write, or read, or watch TV, but I had no desire to do any of those things either. I just sort of laid in bed, waking up for meals, then going back to sleep. I did perk up when my friends visited, but otherwise I spent my nine days in bed. Though I did go to a blackjack game upstairs, which featured a guy who said his name was Cowboy Bob (no one else seemed to find this odd), and which I won (first prize was, I kid you not, a bottle of this cologne).

Anyway, since my treatment was identical every day—and since everything at the hospital is scheduled and routinized—I sort of lost track of time. I would have completely lost track of time were it not for the presence of my roommate, who was recovering from an RPLND (the surgery I’ll be having Monday). His recovery plan had different orders for each day, so I was able to follow the progress of the week by eavesdropping on his conversations. Well, eavesdropping isn’t really the right word. He was moaning quite audibly the whole week. This guy was a seriously unhappy camper. And don’t mean an Allan Shermanesque unhappy camper. His doctor (who is also my doctor) is a bit of a stickler when it comes to his post-surgery instructions.

It’s worth noting here that everything this guy was going through I will be going through, so I was slightly (or utterly, depending on how brave you actually believe I am) horrified to hear (in graphic, graphic detail) every agony he was experiencing. And there was no shortage of agonies.

For starters, the guy wasn’t allowed to eat or drink for three days. Now I can understand that after you’ve been treated like all those cow carcasses Rocky practices on in the meatlocker, you might not be too hungry. But this guy couldn’t drink. Not even a sip of water. Have you ever gone three days without a sip of water? Even Jan Baalsrud got to eat delicious snow and stuff.

So yeah, my roommate was thirsty (he was constantly jabbering away on his cellphone about how unpleasant this was, which seemed to be further inflaming his parched throat). He was, in fact, deliriously thirsty. In the sense that he was actually delirious. For at least two hours on Day Two, he was rambling on and on to various unidentified cellular interlocutors about how he had all these Lifesavers but they were butterscotch Lifesavers and he needed the other sucking candies because he didn’t like the butterscotch but someone was going to bring him the other Lifesavers which were going to save his life. He was completely obsessed with the Lifesavers.

Fortunately, a shipment of Jolly Ranchers arrived on Day Three, so he finally got a little relief.. If this wasn’t clear earlier, the point of the sucking candies was to provide a little moisture for the throat. All the nurses would give him were little cotton swabs dipped in water, which he sucked on voraciously. Delicious!

My roommate, by the way, was a really decent guy. I don’t blame him for the moaning or the delirium or even for announcing loudly and clearly that he’d had a thin plastic tube inserted into what one can only describe as the “pee-hole” of his penis. I am not looking forward to this procedure, if only because it involves some medical professional threading my manhood like a needle. But yes, I did like my roommate. Plus, he gave me his butterscotch Lifesavers, which turned out to be a great boon. Butterscotch tastes better than the awful acrid taste Chemo leaves in your mouth, so I went through a pack a day. As my mother said, “Those Lifesavers were really life savers!” Actually, it was the chemotherapy drugs.

So despite the fact that I’m now intimately familiar with all the various miseries I can look forward to after my surgery, I’m thankful for my roommate. He was always solicitous and let me use the bathroom whenever I wanted (I’m still not entirely sure on the mechanics of his catheter, but I think you just sort of go while lying in bed. It’s the original Stadium Pal!)

And I had to feel bad for the guy. They really put him through the ringer. On Day Six, during rounds, the oncologist walked in to give him a report on the progress of his recovery. Now hospitals make a big deal about patient privacy, but they seem to make an exception for roommates. You get to hear whatever your roommate’s doctors are telling him. Including bad news. My roommate never had chemotherapy. He just had the surgery. So his plan was to get out of the hospital, go home, and return to his old life. But then the oncologist walks in and matter-of-factly informs him that he’s going to need chemotherapy after all.

Here this guy is, getting terrible news, news that means he’s going to spend the next few months bent over a toilet vomiting—perhaps news that means he’s not getting better at all, that the surgery didn’t do the trick, that he’s getting sicker. And he doesn’t get to hear this news in the presence of his wife, or his buddies. He doesn’t even get to hear it in a private room. I hear his news at the same time he hears his news. Then the oncologist walks out and that’s that. The guy’s whole vision of his life (which has probably already been turned into a Salvador Dali painting) is now shattered again.

And it’s I, a perfect stranger, who is the lone witness to the shattering.

That’s what a hospital is like. The doctors make rounds each day to tell you that you’re doing fine, hang in there buddy, just a few more days, and then, perhaps, the next time they walk in they tell you that you’re fucked—still hang in there buddy—and it’s going to be not a few more days, but a few more months, and maybe even then you will still be fucked.

I didn’t throw up in the hospital. They kept me on drugs around the clock and managed to keep my peristalsis from unceremoniously reversing itself. I knew that I’d feel worse once I got home, but every day I was praying they would let me out. There are far worse things than vomiting.

Let them eat cake

Ok. I’m back for a bit. Surgery scheduled for May 3. They will be abusing my abdomen like Rocky abuses all those hanging cow carcasses in the meat locker. But for now, I’m in good shape and in reasonably good spirits. So I wanted to post this picture of me eating what I can only describe as an improved version of the Double Down. It’s two burger patties (cooked with onions in), pan-fried in copious amounts of bacon fat. Between the burger “buns” are bacon, pickle, tomato, red onion, and a fried egg. I wrapped another piece of bacon around the monstrosity for good measure. It was rather of messy to eat (the gooey goodness of the egg yolk drips all over the thing), so after the first bite or two I just had to palm this delicacy and just sort of devour it with both hands. One of the more primal moments of my life. But G-d it felt like living!

It was ridiculously ridiculously delicious. Like the kind of delicious that fills your entire body with a feeling of perfect ecstasy. And I washed it down with property tart homemade lemonade. I also ate one of these, which was what my friends and I were originally cooking (we had onion, pickle, and tomato instead of beet or arugula, but the key ingredient—the fried egg—was there). That was sublime too.

Anyway, for all you meat eaters out there, this is the season for following my lead and indulging in the aforementioned heavenly delights. By which I mean a bacon burger with fixings and a fried egg on top. And for the vegetarians out there, this is the time for a change of heart. Unless you’re one of those faith-based vegetarians (I think I just invented that term), in which case carry on with your religion. If you’re a vegan, I don’t know what to say other than to apologize for my ravenous taste for flesh. I’m like the Jeff Dahmer of the vegan belief system. Or something like that.

But yes, if you’re game, you gotta prepare this meal. You can also try my Double-Down ripoff, but it’s not exactly a pretty sight. As you can see below (not for the faint-of-heart).

In closing, the good news is that the nausea is gone and I’m eating like a king for now. Tonight I ate half of a six-pound lobster for dinner. After a solid breakfast, a lunch of chicken and lamb over rice, and a tasty second-lunch of Dosa.

So welcome back to the home of Audacity. Hopefully I’ll have some non-vomit-related insights to share. At the least, I will be able to wax poetic about my (for the next seven days) gluttony. Then it’s time for my fat-free diet. Which may mean I won’t be frying anything in bacon grease for a while.

Brings a new meaning to NSFW