Category Archives: deep thoughts

The Iron Curtain

This post has been in my head for almost two months. I’ve known what I wanted to write, but I’ve needed to get some distance between myself and the events described here before I could actually put pen to paper. I should also offer a little caveat emptor. These stories are toward the darker end of what’s been published on this blog. If you’re sensitive to that sort of stuff, you may find what follows upsetting.

Hospitals make strange bedfellows. That’s not to say that they make you share a bed with someone. That would be uncomfortable, and probably very unhygienic. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that hospitals make for strange roomfellows. But that doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

In my most recent (and final) stay at the hospital, I had two roommates. The first was strange, though not particularly exciting. He never spoke, but his family (two women—I think his wife and sister) was convinced the hospital was guilty of some sort of vast conspiracy (not to mention grave malpractice), spanning months if not years of this man’s treatment. They complained, loudly and ceaselessly, about this injustice, constantly denigrating the doctors, nurses, and technicians who periodically slipped in and out.

After a few days, he was moved to another room. Apparently in addition to their frustration with the medical establishment, the two women were very unhappy about the loud noises emanating from my side of the room (sometimes late into the night). Since I was barely conscious for the duration of this roommate’s time in my room, I must lay the blame at the feet of the kind folks who visited me in the hospital. If you did, you should know that meant a tremendous amount to me, even if I appeared catatonic at the time. You should also know that you were excessively boisterous and drove a sick man and his family to their wits’ end. So again, thank you.

Before I relate the story of my second roommate, I should note that technically speaking I had three roommates. After the conspiracy theorists’ departure, I briefly shared the room with a man and his genial, talkative family from (I think) Morocco. They were warm and quite pleasant, but had apparently intended to settle in a single, so they hung around for a few hours before moving into new, capacious quarters.

The next day, my second roommate arrived. He was a wizened, graying man, his face haggard, his voice rough and trembling. When I first saw him, I guessed him to be in his late 80′s.

Many of the patients in my ward were, like myself, young men. Worn down by weeks or months of chemotherapy (and often invasive surgery), they all had that dusty look in their eyes, obscuring the little flashes of light one associates with youth. Yet despite the obvious toll treatment had taken on them—despite their bald heads, their gaunt faces, those tired eyes—these men retained an ineffable sense of boyishness. They were sick, yes. But they were, if you looked closely, still quite young.

My roommate was not, it turned out, in his late 80s. He wasn’t even in his 70s. He was 64. A year older than my father. He appeared to have been robbed of two decades of his life.

That first night, his doctors ordered an MRI. He was wheeled to the imaging center and returned an hour later, climbing ever so slowly into bed. As I wrote earlier, I spent most of my nights at the hospital tossing and turning, beset by stabbing pains in my abdomen and stomach. That night, as I lay in bed, I heard this man moaning across the curtain. For what seemed like hours, he moaned, suffering his untold agony. He called for a nurse and she came to check on him. “Not calm,” he said. “Not calm.” She hung a bag of a common sedative and left him alone. But the moaning continued.

In the dark, I heard the rattling of a pill bottle, then a gulp. For obvious reasons—legal and medical—patients admitted to the hospital are expressly forbidden from administering their own medications. Every drug you take—even acid reducers or other over-the-counters—comes from the hospital pharmacy, with approval from your doctor. But here this guy was, downing his own stash of sleeping pills, desperate for relief from whatever was plaguing him.

In the morning, I opened my eyes slowly, trying to avoid the blinding sunlight flooding in through the window. I was groggy and still exhausted, so it took me a moment to get a grasp on my surroundings. It was time for rounds, and behind the curtain a group of doctors was speaking to my roommate. Perhaps they’d been with him for a while, but the first words I heard them speak were these: “Your test results came back. It’s spread. You have lesions all over your brain. The treatment is 10 days of radiation. We need to begin tomorrow.” My roommate had no response. And with that, the doctors ambled out of the room, off to see their next patient.

What do you say to a stranger condemned to death?

I was only an accidental witness to this man’s prognosis. Had we been separated by a real barrier—not just a curtain—I wouldn’t have heard what the doctors had to say. Nor would I have heard first his silence, then his muffled tears.

As the day wore on, the man’s family began to arrive. His younger son, his wife, maybe a cousin. I lay in bed, listening to this family confront the unconfrontable.

In the Histories, Herodotus writes of the horrors of war, reminding his readers that, “No one is fool enough to choose war instead of peace—in peace sons bury fathers, but in war fathers bury their sons.”

Since antiquity, then, we have understood how unnatural it is for the old to watch the young die. This happens in times of war, but also in times of peace.

This man, of course, was not a son, but a father. That his son would come to bury him was not itself an inversion of the natural order. It was sad, not strange.

What was strange—and what reminded me of that ancient quote—was the conversation between the man and his son. We expect a father to be a source of strength. To offer wisdom and guidance to a son. But here, it was instead the son, at his father’s side, striving at 23 to conjure up sage advice for his father.

Despondent, depressed, probably in some excruciating state of suffering, the man seemed uninterested in the course of treatment prescribed by the doctors. The son begged him to remember all he had to live for. “There’s Danny’s wedding,” he said. “And so many bar mitzvahs. And Rebecca, when she gets married.” The man said nothing. “You have to be there. You’re going to be there. We have so much to celebrate. And we need you to be there.” Still nothing.

A son pleading with his father to stay with him, to see through the pitch darkness a reason to live. That seemed to me as unnatural as a father burying his own son.

I can’t get that scene out of my head. I didn’t even witness it with my eyes; I only heard it. But in my mind, I can see the son, bent over a hospital bed, trying to project his words with confidence and composure, but his voice unmistakably raw and, over and over, cracking.

In my months of treatment, I was exposed to a whole new world (not the kind in Aladdin). It was a world full of vomiting and nurses and fear and confusion and sick people. That world is familiar to many—anyone who’s been sick or known someone who was sick. And almost any medical professional. But for me, never having seen that world before, it was surprising and disorienting.

Sickness is a surreal and terrifying thing. When you experience it—but perhaps (and I can only guess) more so when you witness it.

Having been sick, I think I have some understanding of sickness. Not by any means a full grasp, or even a good grasp, but an inkling. But sickness is not death. Death (and this, of course, is a true blessing) I know nothing about.

To be in the room as this man and his son reckoned not just with sickness, but also with death was stranger, sadder, more unsettling than any experience I can yet remember.

Perhaps I should have thanked G-d for my good fortune, that despite the searing pain in my abdomen, despite the sinking terror that my operation had gone wrong and I would die, despite the crushing depression and exhaustion of my then-young recovery, I was very much alive, that I didn’t have to remind anyone why it is that life itself is worth living. But I didn’t feel fortunate. I just felt sick to my stomach. Wondering if that searing image might be forgotten.

Of course, it couldn’t be.

So from the outside, maybe the vomiting, the overwhelming enervation, the frustratingly slow pace of recovery seemed like the worst part of this whole ordeal. But this was worse than all those things.

And yet, even though I can’t forget that scene, it has faded in the past six weeks.

So I’m left with this memory, like a scene from a dusty print of some ancient horror film.

And I was just lying there. I wasn’t the man’s son.

Pleasantville

Got into a brief discussion with Julia about some funny news item she showed me. I asked her if the story was true. This was her response:

Some things you just have to believe for the good of your smiling soul.

Yeah. I think that’s a good policy.

Lighting Strikes Twice

I was sitting in Union Square Park today with my friend Elizabeth, when I looked up and saw a familiar face. It was my professor, seated on a bench perhaps twenty feet away.

Until yesterday, I’d never bumped into this guy anywhere but on campus. Not once in three years. Then I see him twice in two days.

I’d be tempted to attribute this bizarre coincidence to fate, but as my uncle the math teacher always reminds me, if a million things happen to you in a month, there’s a decent chance something one-in-a-million will happen to you every few months. So I’ll chalk it up to probability instead.

Life is perfectly unpredictable. Sometimes that’s a curse, sometimes it’s a blessing. When you’ve been knocked around, it takes a bit of audacity to remember that second part. Seeing my professor again was just a coincidence. But it was a nice reminder of what a wondrous thing this unpredictable life can be.

Short and Sweet

On my second day venturing out into the world in street clothes, a thought, courtesy of my friend Elizabeth:

My karate teacher always said fall down 6 times, get up 7.

If you’re trying to do the math on that, don’t bother. It’s just an expression.

Founding Fathers

Pete sent me this quote from George Washington, inscribed on the arch that stands in Washington Square Park:

Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair; the rest is in the hands of God.

Good words to live by.

Olympic Dreams

I’m a fanatic about the Olympics, and this winter I spent dozens if not hundreds of hours glued to my television watching the coverage from Vancouver. I’m sucker for the spirit of competition, for the schmaltzy human-interest stories, for the possibility of athletic redemption. But more than anything, I’m a sucker for the “triumph of the human spirit.” I watch highlight reels of famous Olympic feats and get misty-eyed.

This year, my favorite event at the Olympics was a 30-kilometer women’s cross-country race. By the time I tuned in, the race had boiled down to a contest between two women—a Pole and a Norwegian. With a few kilometers to go, the Norwegian began to pull away and it looked like she would win easily. But the Polish skier pressed on, slowly closing the gap. At the final turn, the race was dead even. The Pole moved ahead by a ski’s length and the Norwegian matched her, stride for stride, retaking the lead.

With maybe 10 meters to go, it looked like the Norwegian would hold on for the gold medal. But somehow, after 30 brutal kilometers slogging through the snow, the Pole pulled ahead. She won the race—more than an hour and a half long—by less than half the length of a ski.

How did she do it? If you listen to the likes of Bob Costas, the Pole won because she wanted it more, because she dug just a little deeper and willed herself across the finish line.

It’s a compelling narrative, a simple narrative. I think we like to imagine that we can bear all burdens and everything under the sun, and that all we need to do is to reach inside ourselves to find the inner strength to keep going.

But what happens if it comes time to kick it up a notch and you realize you’ve already burned through all your energy? In the hospital after surgery, I was completely knocked out. I was relieved to find out that I was cancer-free, but I wasn’t rejuvenated by the news. I just felt tired and old and worn down.

One sleepless night, I found myself tossing and turning for hours. In pain and completely exhausted, I started to become extremely agitated. It would be nice to say that I held my head high and bore my suffering in silence. And a few months ago, I did do that. But that night (and many others), I wasn’t stoic or composed. I was certain that I couldn’t go on. That I was just going to break into little pieces right there in the hospital. That even if my body could withstand the onslaught, my mind could not.

And that’s where the real experience of illness diverges from the popular narrative. You’re not guaranteed of anything. There is no infinite well of fortitude from which to sustain yourself. During chemo, I sometimes found myself slumped over a toilet bowl, my head spinning from the agony of violent retching, but somehow firmly confident that I would make it through the night, that I’d be able to keep going and going and going. But these past few weeks, I’ve seen that sometimes your own defenses fail you. You try to dig deeper, you try to will yourself forward, but there’s nothing left.

Where does that leave you? Unmoored, demoralized, and, to be honest, a little hopeless.

But the strange thing is that even as I’ve found myself unable to bear the unbearable, I’m still sitting here.

A Conversation

In the beginning of March, I wrote a post about my correspondence with my friend Julia, who is studying abroad in Paris. Since then, we’ve exchanged numerous e-mails, many running into the thousands of words.

On Saturday afternoon Julia messaged me to say hello and to see how I was doing. We talked about fear and bravery and illness and all that jazz. I think the conversation captures a lot of what I’ve been thinking and feeling recently, so I wanted to share it on this blog.

As usual, Julia had thoughtful and thought-provoking things to say. I hope I was—at least to some extent—able to live up to that standard.

So what follows are excerpts from our conversation. The writing is cleaned up and edited down, but nothing has been reworded or rewritten:

Julia: Just got back from Spain a couple days ago—gave me some time to catch up on your trusty blog. How are things? Looks like Lance Armstrong is a new pal.

me: Haha yes!

Julia: That’s pretty freaking awesome

me: That was pretty exciting, actually. Things are alright. A little touch-and-go. I’m definitely a bit freaked out.

Julia: Yeah, the only way I could think to describe the feeling I got from the blog was intense. It just sounds like a really intense time. But an intense time filled with a lot of waiting, which is the worst.

***

Julia: Is it weird feeling like now that you have cancer people think you are somehow deeper than you were before? Like you’re more Yoda somehow?

me: Yes! Holy shit. I’m 22 and I have to reassure 60-year-olds that their lives aren’t trivial. It’s so strange.

Julia: I can only imagine how weird that must be because obviously you still have the same 20-year-old trivial stuff on your mind at the same time.

me: That’s just how life is. You still have the same worries and stuff.

I worry all the time that I won’t be able to interact normally with women because I have all this stupid back-story.

Julia: It’s easy to think about how a radical plot change in your story is going to affect the relationships you always knew you’d have. But I actually personally find that once I dealt with it myself, choosing when and how to tell people really did make me feel closer to them. It took me a long time to get okay with it enough that I wasn’t so uncomfortable that they got uncomfortable. I think with anything like this there is a few-year period where it shifts from being THE thing that happened to you to part of who you are. But it’s totally different when you’re in it because it’s your life right now. So the idea of it being in the past is just a hologram.

me: Right. Also, no matter how amazing people are, and no matter what they say, you’re still fucking alone. All the fuck alone.

Julia: Right, and the thing is that no one will go through what you’re going through.

Your experience is literally unlike anyone else’s and that’s a scary, strange thing. Because all we want to do is make connections. That’s how we get through life.

me: Exactly. It took a lot of my energy to write that I felt scared on my blog. In a way, I just want people to sort of understand.

Julia: Well, I also feel like your instinct is often to make people comfortable. Humor is a part of that, I think. And to say you’re scared is not only exposing yourself, but it’s also “selfish.” You aren’t trying to comfort anyone. You’re taking your fear for yourself.

Me: How can you admit to being terrified without eliciting pity or sympathy?

Julia: It’s kind of impossible, but I also feel like if it can be done, you’ve sort of done it. It’s clear that saying you’re afraid takes more guts than saying almost anything else. Because you’re risking being pitied. It’s clear that’s not what you’re looking for. You’re just trying to relay this experience. And without acknowledging fear, it’s kind of a lie

me: It is a lie. It’s dishonest. And at this point, it seems kind of silly. Why lie?  Why build barriers between me and everyone else when it’s already impossible for other people to really get what I’m going through entirely.

Julia: It totally makes sense, but it’s definitely brave

me: I hate the word “brave.” I hope I’m brave.

Julia: I was just thinking that actually. That word is lame. I was thinking about this time this girl was telling me, “Oh I’m so amazed at you, you’re so brave.” And I was like, “Really, I’m not doing anything other than living my life. Because that’s all I can do. Just because I have shittier luck than you doesn’t make me any more brave. It just means I got the opportunity to show off that I can get out of bed in the morning even if it’s going to be a really rough day—which isn’t something I’m not proud of. But it doesn’t make me better than anyone. It just means I had the opportunity to show what I was made of, to an extent anyway.

me: Everyone—certainly me—has fantasies about what they would do in these tough situations. “No atheists in the foxhole”-types of things. I think people imagine they would give impassioned eulogies at funerals or be beacons of hope if they were sick or walk the streets carrying some unbearable burden at the loss of a loved one. And they think, people will look at me and wonder how I do it. They’ll be like, “That’s a person imbued with such gravitas, with such fortitude—with such an understanding of what it means to live and to love and to survive.”

They have these fantasies, but the thing is those fantasies are just fantasies. Not in the sense that they are imagined, but in the sense that they never are. When they happen, they aren’t.

Julia: Exactly. Because sometimes they even happen in some ways like you’ve imagined, and yet at the same time they feel so palpably more real and dirty and sad that they aren’t even the same thing. What you are thinking about when they happen is not what you thought you’d be thinking, or caring about, or feeling

me: It’s a complete disconnect. And only then you see that those were true fantasies.

Julia: I’ve done the eulogy! It’s not like they say it is!

me: I have not. But how could it be? These are painful things, not moments of glory. Everyone wants their little glory. But that’s not any kind of glory.

Julia: And it’s even weirder when you’re in pain and at the same time you know people are thinking of you with this weird reverence.

me: Everyone wants that Yoda thing. I think that’s kind of it. Like, that suddenly this will make you into a sage and everyone will gather round to hear your wisdom.

Julia: And particularly when you’re hurting yourself, you don’t really feel like pretending to be Yoda. I do think I’ve gotten wiser because of what I’ve been through, but I certainly wasn’t happy to know it. It’s not like that.

Raskolnikov Unbound

From Crime and Punishment, Dostoevsky on man’s vision of his own mortality:

Where was it that I read about a man condemned to death saying or thinking, an hour before his death, that if he had to live somewhere high up on a cliffside, on a ledge so narrow that there was room only for his two feet—and with the abyss, the ocean, eternal darkness, eternal solitude, eternal storm all around him—and had to stay like that, on a square foot of space, an entire lifetime, a thousand years, an eternity—it would be better to live so than to die right now!

Desert Solitaire

I’m picking up here from where I left off yesterday.

My doctor said I could leave on Day Eight. At this point, my first roommate had gone home, and a new guy had moved in. He was very sick. I didn’t speak to him (except to exchange pleasantries) because I was terrified of what he might have. He was a tall black man, with strong, proud features —a striking gentleman. But his face, ashen and lined, was the color of dust. He was probably forty, maybe a little older. But when he spoke, he had the voice of a seventy-year-old. Raspy and tired. One night, he had a blood transfusion. The nurse came in and told him he needed blood. He didn’t ask her about it, just quietly acquiesced. I don’t know why he needed it. Perhaps it was just a routine procedure. But I had this haunting image of the man, obscured by the curtain, crimson fluid dripping into him.

This man, this sick man frightened me. He was sick, very sick. What do you make of that? What do you think when you know someone is sick, when you know or think he is dying? What if it’s a perfect stranger? Do you feel sympathy? Pity? Fear? What if you’re sick yourself? Maybe I feel all those things, but, in the pit of my stomach, I feel revulsion.

Four months ago I had a thick head of brown hair. The other day I looked at a picture of myself from December and I couldn’t help but notice how handsome and young I looked. My friends and family claim I look fine with what my brother likes to call CPB—Cancer Pattern Baldness—but I know that I look sick. When I want to explain to someone that I have cancer, I just take off my hat and gesture toward my pale, hairless scalp. And they know what I’m saying. I look sick. And I’m used to looking sick, to being sick. Almost everyone I know has seen me knocked out, or vomiting, or talking like a complete meshuggeh because the chemotherapy drugs make your brain fuzzy. Even though I’m comfortable with the idea that I’m sick—with the idea that everyone knows I’m sick—I’m still terrified, repulsed by illness.

But that makes no sense. Maybe my discomfort with the sick stems from the fact that they somehow remind me of my own frailty—that I see in them what I don’t want others to see in me. I’m not ashamed or afraid of my sickness. It’s the possibility that people see me as a sick person, that they think I’m different from them.

A few months ago, the following thought occurred to me: “All men are patient when they are in the desert.” But if you’re lost in the Sahara and you encounter another man—staggering along in the sand— isn’t the first thing you think: “He’s dying of thirst”?

***

I was all set to leave the hospital. Everything was packed up. My folks were waiting in the hall, ready to wheel all our stuff out on a cart. But before I could leave, my mother insisted I speak with one of the other patients in the ward. He had, she said, been hoping to talk to me all week. I had no desire to do anything but get home, but I didn’t want to just summarily turn down the guy’s offer to chat.

When I entered his room, he was lying in bed, staring upward. He looked like a skeleton. Not  emaciated, but pallid and worn and gaunt. Bald head, jagged cheekbones, long, bony fingers. He was just lying there, staring upward. “Sit down,” he said to me, his eyes still fixed on the ceiling. I sat.

And so he began to tell me the story of his illness. He was also at the ward recovering from the RPLND. He too had had testicular cancer. But it had spread to his lungs, his neck, maybe his brain. It was a thousand times worse than my case. At first I thought he was getting ready to giv me  a pep talk, one of those “hang in there buddy, you’re almost at the finish line, women will flock to you after all you’ve been through” spiels. But instead, he talked about being sick. About how only one doctor in the world was willing to operate on him. Everyone else had said he was a goner. He talked about his chemotherapy, how it flattened him, how he vomited. He pointed to his neck, to show me how far the cancer had metastasized, explaining that it had taken a year for him to discover he was sick. I just sat there, eyes agog, listening to his story. Why was he telling me this? Why was he telling me about his sense of mortality? About being right there, on the brink of death. He seemed to be recovering, but he didn’t mention his prognosis. Was he still there on the brink?

He would not let me leave. He was like a parent telling a parable to a child, some frightening story designed to teach a lesson. Of course, I have no idea what the lesson was. He didn’t want my pity. Nor did he want my sympathy, my admiration, or my support. He didn’t want to brighten my spirits or lift my hopes.

Maybe he just wanted some sort of demented catharsis, an opportunity to tell a perfect stranger the story of his pain. It was (if unintentionally) a cruelty. His suffering handed to me, not as a narrative of survival, but unfiltered—suffering just told as suffering.

For a moment, I thought my head might go off like a Roman candle, just spontaneously combust under the weight of this strange man’s affliction. Like a dreidel at a particularly rowdy Hanukah party, the room began to spin and wobble wildly. Bleary eyed and dizzy, I slumped over in my chair.  “I don’t feel so good,” I said. “I gotta go.” And I stumbled out of the room.

In the hallway, I felt woozier. I saw down against the wall to catch my breath. An orderly offered me a chair and I tried to sit down in it.

Next thing I know, I’m lying on my back in the middle of the hallway, surrounded by a phalanx of nurses with a crash cart.

And so, because I fainted, I had to spend another mind-numbing day stuck in the hospital.

28 Days Later

Well, it’s more like a month later. But there’s no movie called “A Month Later.” Also, I’ve been a total zombie for the past month, so it’s more than appropriate.

I have not written much in the past month or two and the reason I haven’t is because I’ve been too sick to write. For my final dose of chemotherapy, my doctor ordered me to stay in the hospital. So I was holed up there for nine days, always on an IV, getting woken up in the middle of the night to have my vital signs checked, pissing into a plastic bottle so my nurses could measure my urine output.

Hospitals are many things. They are big and brutal and byzantine. And they are boring. They are incredibly boring. At home, you wake up and go to sleep in your bed. If you’re really lazy (and I am), you spend a few hours in between watching TV in your bed. But between the waking up and the going to sleep, you presumably do something that does not involve being in bed. Not so at the hospital.

At the hospital, you stay in bed. Sloan is famous for having a rec room upstairs with foosball and pool and board games and arts and crafts. I partook in a bunch of the activities (I splatter painted with a lovely art therapist and played Monopoly with friends), but mostly, I had no desire to get out of bed.

I had all day to write, or read, or watch TV, but I had no desire to do any of those things either. I just sort of laid in bed, waking up for meals, then going back to sleep. I did perk up when my friends visited, but otherwise I spent my nine days in bed. Though I did go to a blackjack game upstairs, which featured a guy who said his name was Cowboy Bob (no one else seemed to find this odd), and which I won (first prize was, I kid you not, a bottle of this cologne).

Anyway, since my treatment was identical every day—and since everything at the hospital is scheduled and routinized—I sort of lost track of time. I would have completely lost track of time were it not for the presence of my roommate, who was recovering from an RPLND (the surgery I’ll be having Monday). His recovery plan had different orders for each day, so I was able to follow the progress of the week by eavesdropping on his conversations. Well, eavesdropping isn’t really the right word. He was moaning quite audibly the whole week. This guy was a seriously unhappy camper. And don’t mean an Allan Shermanesque unhappy camper. His doctor (who is also my doctor) is a bit of a stickler when it comes to his post-surgery instructions.

It’s worth noting here that everything this guy was going through I will be going through, so I was slightly (or utterly, depending on how brave you actually believe I am) horrified to hear (in graphic, graphic detail) every agony he was experiencing. And there was no shortage of agonies.

For starters, the guy wasn’t allowed to eat or drink for three days. Now I can understand that after you’ve been treated like all those cow carcasses Rocky practices on in the meatlocker, you might not be too hungry. But this guy couldn’t drink. Not even a sip of water. Have you ever gone three days without a sip of water? Even Jan Baalsrud got to eat delicious snow and stuff.

So yeah, my roommate was thirsty (he was constantly jabbering away on his cellphone about how unpleasant this was, which seemed to be further inflaming his parched throat). He was, in fact, deliriously thirsty. In the sense that he was actually delirious. For at least two hours on Day Two, he was rambling on and on to various unidentified cellular interlocutors about how he had all these Lifesavers but they were butterscotch Lifesavers and he needed the other sucking candies because he didn’t like the butterscotch but someone was going to bring him the other Lifesavers which were going to save his life. He was completely obsessed with the Lifesavers.

Fortunately, a shipment of Jolly Ranchers arrived on Day Three, so he finally got a little relief.. If this wasn’t clear earlier, the point of the sucking candies was to provide a little moisture for the throat. All the nurses would give him were little cotton swabs dipped in water, which he sucked on voraciously. Delicious!

My roommate, by the way, was a really decent guy. I don’t blame him for the moaning or the delirium or even for announcing loudly and clearly that he’d had a thin plastic tube inserted into what one can only describe as the “pee-hole” of his penis. I am not looking forward to this procedure, if only because it involves some medical professional threading my manhood like a needle. But yes, I did like my roommate. Plus, he gave me his butterscotch Lifesavers, which turned out to be a great boon. Butterscotch tastes better than the awful acrid taste Chemo leaves in your mouth, so I went through a pack a day. As my mother said, “Those Lifesavers were really life savers!” Actually, it was the chemotherapy drugs.

So despite the fact that I’m now intimately familiar with all the various miseries I can look forward to after my surgery, I’m thankful for my roommate. He was always solicitous and let me use the bathroom whenever I wanted (I’m still not entirely sure on the mechanics of his catheter, but I think you just sort of go while lying in bed. It’s the original Stadium Pal!)

And I had to feel bad for the guy. They really put him through the ringer. On Day Six, during rounds, the oncologist walked in to give him a report on the progress of his recovery. Now hospitals make a big deal about patient privacy, but they seem to make an exception for roommates. You get to hear whatever your roommate’s doctors are telling him. Including bad news. My roommate never had chemotherapy. He just had the surgery. So his plan was to get out of the hospital, go home, and return to his old life. But then the oncologist walks in and matter-of-factly informs him that he’s going to need chemotherapy after all.

Here this guy is, getting terrible news, news that means he’s going to spend the next few months bent over a toilet vomiting—perhaps news that means he’s not getting better at all, that the surgery didn’t do the trick, that he’s getting sicker. And he doesn’t get to hear this news in the presence of his wife, or his buddies. He doesn’t even get to hear it in a private room. I hear his news at the same time he hears his news. Then the oncologist walks out and that’s that. The guy’s whole vision of his life (which has probably already been turned into a Salvador Dali painting) is now shattered again.

And it’s I, a perfect stranger, who is the lone witness to the shattering.

That’s what a hospital is like. The doctors make rounds each day to tell you that you’re doing fine, hang in there buddy, just a few more days, and then, perhaps, the next time they walk in they tell you that you’re fucked—still hang in there buddy—and it’s going to be not a few more days, but a few more months, and maybe even then you will still be fucked.

I didn’t throw up in the hospital. They kept me on drugs around the clock and managed to keep my peristalsis from unceremoniously reversing itself. I knew that I’d feel worse once I got home, but every day I was praying they would let me out. There are far worse things than vomiting.